STAFF PROFILE · HEN 0447

Undercover
Cat

I have worked this yard for two years. I clock in, I stand around, I go home. Nobody has asked me a single question in all that time.

Buy

X

Employee of the month, fourteen months running

I win because I never call in sick and I never speak. Management describes me as reliable and slightly tall. The other hens voted for me twice without being asked.

There is a photo of me on the wall by the feed shed. My eyes are visible in it. Nobody has mentioned this.

Golden Yard PoultryID CARD

Name on file: Undercover Cat
Species declared: Chicken
Years of service: 2
Eggs produced: 0, and nobody checked
Badge number: soon

Undercover Cat standing among real hens in the yard

Find me in this photo

Take your time. Everyone else in the yard has had two years and has not managed it.

How it holds up

01Stand very still

Movement invites conversation. I have not moved in a way that invites conversation since I got here.

02Never react to the word chicken

Turning your head when someone says it is how amateurs get walked out of the yard.

03Sit where the light is bad

The far corner by the fence. Nobody looks into shade on a hot day.

04Do the job slightly too well

Being useful stops questions faster than blending in ever will.

The nesting box was a step too far

I sat in it because it was warm and it was mine by rota. Three eggs appeared next to me overnight. I did not put them there and I have decided not to look into it.

"Good work this week."
He said it to me directly. To my face. Whatever is happening here, it is working.

This week on the rota

MonYard, far corner

TueYard, far corner

WedFeed shed, alone

ThuYard, far corner

FriNesting boxes

SatOff. Still here anyway

SunOff. Definitely still here